Saturday, January 7, 2017

Is It Too Late To Say Sorry?!

As many of you know, 3 months ago The Reluctant Farmer and I ended our relationship.  Rather, I ended our relationship.  I had been unhappy for quite a while, and where there were talks/signs of my unhappiness, I blindsided The Reluctant Farmer with the fact I wanted out.

I still stand by my decision to leave.  The Reluctant Farmer and I are great friends, however I do not have romantic feelings for her.  I wish that could have been different, but it wasn't and I wanted us both to have a chance at happiness.

I ended my relationship with The Reluctant Farmer so I could date a woman who I met at a horse show, named Pony Girl.  Pony Girl was amazingly charming, had a laugh that could light up my soul, and painted a sad portrait of an abusive past relationship.  I bought into it.

It wasn't long after buying into it that I realized I may have been over my head, but I am a hopeless romantic and loyal to a fault, so I decided to try and work through our rough beginning, figuring it would not matter.  Either the relationship would end or the relationship would grow and be so strong, that nothing could break us.  And perhaps nothing could have broken our relationship, except Pony Girl has a dark side.

Pony Girl demanded I be mean to The Reluctant Farmer pretty much from the beginning.  She didn't want me to talk to The Reluctant Farmer, I had to be in bed before she got home, I was not allowed to do nice things for The Reluctant Farmer such as give her the extra food I had when I cooked too much at dinner or fold her laundry if it was in the dryer and I needed to dry my clothes.  I was forced to say and act nastily to her all to appease Pony Girl.  I have felt horrible about this, here was this woman, who had loved me and been my best friend for 7 years, and where I was not romantically attracted to her, that didn't change the fact she is a wonderful soul, and being mean to her cut me deeply.  It literally hurt to treat The Reluctant Farmer badly, but try as I might I could not convince Pony Girl I was hiding nothing.  She checked my Facebook account, Facebook messenger, read all my text messages on my phone, required data usage reports from Verizon, required medical records for proof I was not lying about a medical diagnosis.  And like I fool, I gave her everything she asked for, because I wanted to prove to her that my character was strong and that I had integrity.

Tonight I learned that Pony Girl was actually the one hiding the truth.  For all that concern she had about me doing something wrong?  It turns our she was talking to her ex-girlfriend via text and a phony Facebook page the entire time we were together.  What do you know?!  To say my feelings are hurt, would be an understatement.  I honestly loved Pony Girl, and still do.  I really thought our relationship was special, that somehow The Universe had helped us find each other, knowing we were a perfect match.  Maybe I miss read it.  Maybe The Universe just gave me Pony Girl as a catalyst so I would have the courage to change my life.  

Not everything is sad though currently.  As many of you know, by nature I am a very kind and giving soul.  It is truly my nature.  Tonight I am happy to say I finally got to just hang out with my friend, The Reluctant Farmer.  We went to the gym tonight and then had a family dinner with our daughter.  Even though I have moments where I am deeply saddened by the loss of Pony Girl, I know I deserve so much better, and more importantly I have my friend back.

To The Reluctant Farmer: I am sorry.  I was so wrong.  I put you through hell and back, and you have been nothing but kind to me and to Pony Girl.  I wish you nothing but success in your new relationship.  She is lucky to have such an amazing woman.  And I am lucky to call you my friend......  

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