Making a come back, and the hope at living....

She has gained 100# this month!

Several weeks ago, one of our previous horses trotted back into our lives, and would change how I look at re-homing horses forever. 

Mia was our first horse.  I purchased her for Katzya when Katzya was 10 years old.  Mia has always been the love of our lives and the gold standard in measuring the greatness of horses whom have come after her.  Mia is kind, quiet, and is as bombproof of a horse as you can get.  As years went by, and Katzya became a more advanced rider, she outgrew Mia in terms of riding ability, not because Mia didn't have the talent, but instead that at 25 years old she just didn't deserve the wear and tear on her body.  Because having horses is expensive, I decided we would find Mia a retirement home.  In my mind it was a waste of money to pay for a horse if we weren't using it, so  I looked for the perfect home for her. 

I really did this out of a place of love, and it had been said to me that this is how things normally go.  It's pretty common place for show people to retire and re-home their previous horses, so I thought I was doing the best thing for her when trying to find a place where she would only be ridden on occasion and could offer another family the opportunity at having a safe horse.  It was supposed to benefit everyone, man and beast. 

However I now know, I failed my horse.  I let down an animal who deserved so much better of me, and who gave me all she had to give, only to be put in a situation that is going to take a year at minimum to correct and that is IF it can be corrected.

The last month has been full of veterinarian and farrier appointments, a strict food re-introduction diet, and we still don't know what the future holds for her. 

I have promised Mia that she is home to stay for good.  If she leaves again, it will be because she has taken her last breath.  A friend who has given you the best years of her life, and whom you have trusted with your child's life, deserves that and so much more.

Polar Vortex and Keeping Warm

The Polar Vortex is upon is here in the Midwest and to say it's been bitterly cold would be an understatement.  It's so cold outside that it hurts to breathe and if you're outside for even a few minutes your fingers are numb and you can't feel your face.  This morning, as my feet hit the snow, I expected it to be the usual soft snow, but instead it crunched under my feet, too cold to even give to my body weight.  

I was most worried about Chloe this morning.  The barn temperature runs about 10 degrees higher than the outside temperature, which isn't too warm when the outside temperature is -9 degrees!

I shouldn't have been worried though.  

As soon as I got to the barn, I was greeted by a hungry horse demanding breakfast, and she was warm as toast under her insulated blanket.  

There are very few joys in life as blissful as the sounds and smells of  a horse contentedly eating, even when it's below freezing outside....

Back in the saddle again....

I complained about having horses, and not wanting to own them again after we canceled the lease on our last show horse and re-homed our beloved retired mare, and I was steadfast on NOT owning another one, because if I’m being honest the magic of horses left me when Pony Girl and I parted ways.  Horses were such a part of that life: from the horse shows, the laughter in the barn at night when family and friends were just hanging out, to the tender moments spent holding hands when tucking the barn in for the night, it was a simple yet amazing life.  I felt safe there, and I found myself trusting my heart with a woman AND her horses.  After it ended I could have cared less if I ever saw another horse, let alone rode one.  It was easier to guard my heart, block any feelings from resurfacing, and attempt to forget that that life ever existed.

The harder I kept dragging my feet and swearing off horses though, the more our daughter kept horses in the forefront of every family conversation.  She continually kept pursuing her dream of owning another horse, and I was not blind to the fact the kid needed a horse like most people need air to breathe, and for Christmas, Kay and I bought her a mare that she had been riding through her high-school riding team.

I purposely have not gotten attached to this horse, and paired with the fact she is a little quirky and not overly snuggily, it has been easy to not pay attention or fall in love with her.  I was so burnt on horses and the lifestyle that comes along with them that I had shut myself off.  It was a defense to protect myself from remembering and ever walking that walk again.

What I failed to remember was how much I missed having horses in my life.  I forgot I actually love to ride, and I love the convivial atmosphere that come along with having a barn family, a group of people who become family through a mutual love of horses.  Last night was full of fun and laughter!  Surrounded by our barn family, I got back in the saddle again riding Katzya’s horse and rode for the 3^rd and longest time I have ridden in 21 months.  It was so wonderful to ride and just feel life melt away. Enveloped in laughter, Kay rode for the first time in 25 years, the barn owner made a rare appearance on a horse, and Katzya and her friend loved cheering us on.  It was a night filled with laughter, friends, fun and horses. 

Being back in the saddle and rediscovering the magic felt so good, even better than I remember!

A non-rational purchase....

Rarely do my purchases make any sense, and I am used to that.  In fact, I feel it's one of my most endearing qualities!  So, when I came home a month ago completely in love with this horse I met, it made ALL the sense in the world to me as to why I should own him.  Kay, being the more logical one of us, immediately said "No."  Perhaps Kay was right.  (Did I just say that on a public forum?!)  However, my heart just couldn't quit thinking about this guy. 

Several days ago, Kay an I were in the car talking about what she could get me for Christmas and I quickly replied:  "That horse." 
I was dismissed.

Then the conversation turned to what I wanted for our up coming anniversary and I quickly replied:  "That horse." 

 We discussed how the timing wasn't right currently, etc... and the next thing I know we were at the horse barn "looking" at him.  Before we left the barn, we felt pretty secure about adding this guy to our family. 

Now, if I'm thinking with my logical brain, this horse makes NO sense.  He is 5 years old, has only been gelded very recently, and has had absolutely no training.  My non-logical brain says, he's great minded, exactly what I would want if he was trained, and is giddy with excitement. 

Meet Henry, my favorite non-rational purchase.....

Narcissistic Dating, and Cowgirls

My attorney has advised me to make it very, very clear that the content of this blog contains my personal thoughts and opinions only. Any similarities between what I post here and real people or real events is mere circumstance. No seriously, just the ramblings, warnings and mere opinions of a badly burned lover.....

I met her at a horse show.
A chance encounter really.
I has a colicing horse, she had Banamine.

I mentioned contacting another woman, who happened to be her ex-girlfriend, about riding lessons because after loosing 40 pounds this year because I wanted to learn to lope a horse.

She was more than happy to give me the lessons instead.  I went to her house for my riding lessons, and she portrayed being this positive person who was so badly abused by her ex-girlfriend, and I bought into it.  We then started dating and for a bit, it was great.  She was funny, happy, had this smile that could light up my soul, 2 great children, and seemed so genuine.  We started with the "I love you's" and talks about the future together.  Then, several weeks into the relationship, shit got real.

Suddenly, things that had been okay were no longer okay and I was being asked to prove myself over and over again.  I was being forced to prove my integrity because she kept saying things like: "If you have nothing to hide, you hide nothing!" or "If you can't prove it, then your lying and I want nothing to do with you."  She had this way of taking something that was her fault, something where I knew I was not in the wrong, and twisting it around and around until I was sure it was my idea.  Like I was the crazy one.

Hi, my name is Emily.  I'm afraid I dated a narcissistic sociopath.

Sociopaths are masters at taking your words and turning them back on you as if you were the crazy one.  When confronted by a lie, they have this innate ability to make you question yourself.  This is a famous characteristic called deflection or manipulation.  They do this because where we all know they lie, cheat, steal, emotionally, physically & financially abuse, they will never admit to that.  They have to take the accountability off of themselves by deflecting your accusations, manipulating your words, and twisting the truth back to you!

Even armed with "evidence" that you are correct, via text or whatnot, the narcissistic sociopath will stare straight at the evidence and deflect your words right back on you!  And God forbid you push for the truth, they then manipulate, twist your words and talk in circles so long that you actually believe their lies.  And let me tell you, there is multiple layers of lies!  This is because it goes against every grain in their body to admit a fault, to a lie, or to a defeat.  They just lie on top of lie, on top of lie.  Like a giant narcissistic sandwich!  And their innocent victim is nothing but a blob of mustard, surrounded by bread and stuck in the middle.....

Pony Girl had text messages on her phone talking to Ex-girlfriend about me:

"I know Emily is not right for me, but she is right for my kids."
"Emily is not even my body type."

I would try to talk to her about it stating that if she didn't like me, I would go, explaining I was not dating her kids, I was dating her.  She would insist: "Oh, you are taking things so personal.  I don't know what I meant by that."  And the next thing you know, after hours of talking in a circle, she would twist it around to make me believe she really did love me, I was a horrible person for not trusting her and I would think in my head: "Wow, I just really read a lot into that text message!"  Um, NOOO!

If you are dating a narcissist or a sociopath, you need to believe your evidence.  You need to hold onto the fact it is the truth.  Do NOT delude yourself into believing your sociopath unless they admit to your evidence.  And do not drop it!  I was guilty, time and time, of this.  We would fight, it would be hours of talking, and the next thing you know I would be holding her on my chest, while she cried, telling her how it would be okay, and I would apologize over and over again.  I now know, I was enabling her to continue the lies, manipulation and deflection.  She needed to be accountable for her words, actions and truth.

Sadly, I saw the same pattern in text messages with her ex-girlfriend.  The ex-girlfriend would be steadfast in her conviction that Pony Girl was "nothing but drama".  She wanted "nothing to do with her" and "her business was better off without her".  And then before you knew it, Pony Girl would have that poor woman eating out of her hand again.  (I can only hope that Ex-Girlfriend came to her senses again later...)  After reading these text messages and watching video I realized that where it takes two people to Tango, Ex-girlfriend was being put through the wringer, and it dawned on me that where Pony Girl had worked super hard to make everyone in her camp believe Ex-Girlfriend was this horribly abusive monster, it's my opinion that most of that was likely lies and bull shit.  Ex-Girlfreind was being made to grovel and "fight for her relationship" just like I was made to.

If you are reading this, are patiently suffering through the hell I just walked through, and your sociopath has not put you in the loony bin with their antics, my advice to you would be this.  First, go pour yourself a glass of wine.  (You deserve it!)  And then take your facts and evidence, make yourself believe again, remember you are not dealing with a normal, truthful, emotionally available individual, and run to the nearest available exit as soon as the crazy train stops.  Because let me tell you, the next step is NOT pretty.  Once a sociopath realizes you are on to them, they just go further into the control factor, trying harder with manipulation and deflection and you will be jumping through even more hoops than you ever have before.

At this point for me it was submitting all my cell phone usage reports and bills.  (I never did figure out what she was looking for.  Someone close to her said:  "Nothing.  She is looking for nothing.  This is what she does.")  I now know this was just a way to control me.

I was not allowed to attend holidays with my family, and when I went to my parents house briefly to drop my daughter off and to visit my nephews, I was accused of lying and was kicked out of her house.  She knew I hated when she accused me of lying, and she did this as a way of controlling me.

I was required to submit medical records for a medical diagnosis my child had 2 years prior.  And when I submitted them  to her, she didn't believe me stating that "Even though it was a hard copy of the medical chart, she needed to do research to see if the therapist was real."  WHAT?!  I didn't even know why this information was pertinent to our relationship.  I now know, it wasn't.  This was just a form of control.

To my friends who tried and tried to get me to run away from this, and the friends who tried to drag me away from this, thank you.  I now see what you saw, and you are right.  This appears to be her true character and I don't surround myself with people like her.  I am sorry you had to witness me walk through this, but thank you for your kindness, listening to me cry and allowing me to heal.  You know I grieve as big as I love, and I love big.

Lastly, Pony Girl if you are reading this I pray for you.  You clearly need to take an honest inventory and work on yourself.  And when you are being honest with yourself, if that ever happens, I hope you realize you gave up someone who was honest, loyal, safe, supportive of you and your barn, and who loved you and your children unconditionally.  A woman who just wanted those same things from you in return.....  And when you read this and your first instinct it to jump and say: " I was honest 100% of the time!"  I want you to stop, take a deep breath, and know I know so much more about you now then I did before and you were far from being the honest person you swore you were.  You need to take ownership of your shit.  Let it start here.......

 

Beauty in the Now

 

This week I took a leave from work, and I'm spending my time on Pony Girl's farm.  There is something beautiful about being on her farm.  The simplicity of helping to feed the horses is what I enjoy the most.

There is comfort in being greeted by a whinnying chorus of hungry charges on a crisp winter morning, the smell of horse sweat and molasses in the air, and the rhythmic chewing of hay.  Where I feel like most of my life is hurried, I don't rush through this task, I instead love to set my pace and let my stress melt away.

From the moment grain hits a bucket, or twine is cut on a bale of hay, there's a peace in knowing you're providing for another being.  It's primal, it's humbling, and there is an easy silence that resonates deep within my soul.  It makes everything right in my world and it's a miracle I am privileged enough to witness every morning this week. 

Stitches and a Shoe Box Full of Money

Some days you work for a paycheck, and some days you work to pay the vet bill......  Today was the latter.

When I arrived at the horse barn tonight, I was greeted by a tearful teenager.  The teen mentioned is a wonderful young lady who turns our horses out to pasture everyday, and she loves our horses as much as we do.  Often our two horses, Bob and Mia, get turned out together, and her gelding and our horse Bob often times get turned out together.  Today, she thought she would let the three of them out all together, but it turns out the saying it true.  Three's a crowd.....

What we can gather is that our mare must be in heat, and the boys must have been vying for her "love".  What started off as a benign everyday event, ended up with Bob looking like he was on the loosing end of a bar fight.

As every parent knows you either have the child at preschool who gets bitten or the kid who does the biting.  Evidently we have the child who gets bitten.  I reminded our teenage friend that it's impossible to control how animals act and react.  You can't control an animal's thoughts or emotions any more than you can control the spinning of the earth on it's axis.  It's just not possible.    

There will be no riding for the next 4 weeks, but all and all we're blessed this just required a few stitches and a shoe box full of money.....

Fragile Creatures

Today was a long, hot day.

Today was yet another day of sitting around the barn waiting for "shit" to happen, literally.  Mia just picked at her hay this morning, not really caring if she ate or not, which was surely a sign she was not feeling well, as Mia greets everyone who comes by her stall with a nicker, begging for treats. On a good day, Mia is like an ill-behaved dog begging from the dinner table.  More concerning was the fact Mia had quit drinking water and had not pooped.  The lack of stool was a big concern.

Again, we had the veterinarian come out to check on her and he felt if she didn't start moving some stool, we were going to have to make some difficult decisions.

He encouraged us to do whatever we would normally do that might result in poop.

Miss K rode her bareback for a bit.  No poop....

Miss K gave her a bath, because she loves to poop in the wash rack.  No poop....

Miss K hand walked her and let her graze.  No poop....

Finally after several hours, the sky parted and poop happened.  I have never been so happy to see horse turds in all my life!  I am hoping we have turned a corner and are galloping full speed ahead, right towards wellness!

Today I was reminded, for as big as horses are, they sure are fragile creatures....

Full Moon Mocking

 Last night at about 8 pm I got a call from my "once-husband" stating the stable where we board our horses had called him and it appeared one of our horses was colicing.  These are not the words any horse owner wants to hear!  Colic is a relatively common digestive problem in a horse where the horse experiences severe abdominal pain, discomfort, and the inability to defecate.  All horse owners know, where colic can is common in our equine friends, it's not a benign word.  Colic can be the synonym for death.

Grabbing my credit card and leaving dinner on the stove, Miss K drove us to the horse barn where we found our mare Mia, not feeling the best.  I called the veterinarian praying this would not be deadly for our sweet girl.  

When the veterinarian got there he was able to give Mia medication for pain and passed a tube into her stomach filling, her with water and mineral oil.  All the normal things to treat colic....  He instructed us to wait and watch Mia for several hours, to make sure her condition did not worsen.

Finally, just after midnight, with Mia eating a little hay, we left the barn for home, and as I looked up in the sky I noticed the most beautiful full moon.  In the world of animal husbandry, a full moon often goes hand and hand with crazy or weird encounters.  Last night I think the full moon was mocking me.....     

Because I Can't Eat You!

Tonight my dear friends Kelley and Ralph came over to took at my horse Mia, whom had suddenly developed pain in her right front foot.  I tell you Mia was a rock star for Ralph!  Even though it hurt her, she allowed him to test her hooves and examine her, never once acting up.  Ralph worked on her front foot finding an abscess, recommended I call our horse vet in the morning, however in the mean time suggested I soak Mia's foot in Epsom salts.  It sounded easy enough...

I went out, bought a bucket, a bag of Epsom salts and headed back to the barn to soak the princess' foot.  Calmly, she gets out of the stall, and then it goes downhill in a hurry.

Me:  "I just need you to put your foot in the bucket of salt water."

Horse:  "What?!  In that bucket?!"

Me:  "Yes, that bucket.  Just pick up your foot and put it in the bucket."

The horse dips the tiniest bit of her toe in the bucket, her eyes widen, head and ears go up and then:  "OH JESUS!  That water touched me!"

"Relax, you gets baths ALL the time.  You are not dying...."

"Um, baths with cold water!  Not with warm water, and not on my foot!", as she steps backwards dumping the bucket of salt water all over the floor.  "Stupid human!  See what you did?!  You dumped water all over the floor!"

"No, I did NOT spill the water.  YOU spilled the water and now instead of warm water you will have to soak your foot in cold water, because we are in a barn and that is ALL we have!  Now, put your fecking foot IN the bucket!"

With her best sulking horse face:  "Fine.  I will put my foot in the bucket, but you could be nicer you know..."

I fill up the bucket with water and salt again, and once again I lift her leg to place her foot in the bucket.Mia looks at me, wide eyed, and with a certainty that death is near: "OH GOD!  That water touched my foot AGAIN!"
  
"Yes and you did not die the first time, so stand still."

"I can't do it!  What if I fall into that small bucket of water and DIE?!"

"Um, you will not fall in that bucket and ....  SPLASH!"  She spills the water everywhere again....
"Mia you have an abscess, you are in pain, and you really need to soak your foot.  Put your damn foot IN that bucket!"

This time I put her foot in the bucket with no water and decide I will pour water into the bucket.
"Okay, we are going to go about this different.  I will put your foot IN the bucket.  You will stand on your foot and I will fill the bucket of water around you."

"Okay, okay....  That sounds like a good idea Human!"  She puts her foot in the bucket, I pour the water in and BAM!  She once again spills the water all over me and the floor.

"Damn it Mia!  What the heck?"

"I got nervous."

"Why?!"

"I have no idea really."

Sigh...
 
"Lift up your foot."

"Okay.  And put it down like this?!"  as she steps through the side of the bucket busting it into a million pieces.

"No Mia!  Now we don't even have a bucket to put water in!"

"Oops.  What shall we do now?"

"Nothing, you win.  You can go back to your stall."

"Yea!  Will there be cookies?!"

"NO!  You do NOT get cookies for this horrible behaviour!"

As she walks back to her stall with her head hung in sadness...  "But Human!  Why can't I have a cookie?  Sniff..  Sniff.."

"Fine you can have a stinkin' cookie.  But I am only feeding you because I can't eat you!"

With her little smirky horse smile:  "Checkmate!"

Tomorrow, Round 2.  I have a sneaking suspicion I won't win then either....
 

Yowza!

Yesterday started off like any other Sunday for us, a little bit of Jesus with our friend Julie, followed by lunch with my parents, just a typical morning.  It was shortly after lunch when my sister called and informed me that her entire family was quarantined with the flu.  She wanted to know if I could deliver crackers and Sprite to their house.  Of course, I obliged.  

In the mean time, Miss K wanted to go out to the barn to ride Mia, I had a puppy that was supposed to go to it's new adoptive family, and I had about 400 arms in the fire at this point, so I decided to delegate some of this stuff to The Reluctant Farmer.  The game plan was,  I would take a load of supplies to my sick sister.  The Reluctant Farmer would take Miss K to the barn to ride for 45 minutes, and we would all meet back at home for a puppy adoption and dinner with our friend Julie. 

Then I received the phone call....

Me:  "Hello?!"

The Reluctant Farmer:  "Where are you?!"

Me:  "Um, in my sister's isolation hut of a house."

RF:  "How soon can you get to the horse barn?"

Me:  "I'm about 30 minutes away.  Why?"

RF:  "You should get her soon.  The horse is bleeding."

Me:  "Bleeding?"

RF:  "Yeah, from her vagina."

Me:  "What?!  How did that happen?"

RF:  "Um, I don't know.  But can you hurry?  She's bleeding."  

At this point she confers with a person in the background and it is decided this injury was caused by a kick from another horse.

Me, wanting to know how big of an issue this really is,  "Is this like a hemorrhage sort of bleeding or more like a dripping blood sort of bleeding?  

RF:  "It's kind of like a fast dripping sort of bleeding."

Me:  "Well, call the vet and apply pressure.  I will be on my way shortly."

We hang up.

The phone rings again.

Me:  "Hello?!"

RF:  "Hi."

Me:  "Hi.  Did you call the vet?"

RF:  "No, I think you should look at this first.  I don't know anything about horses and I don't want to call the vet if you don't think it's needed."

Me:  "Well, where you don't know anything about horses, you are medical so I am sure you can apply some pressure to make the bleeding stop, and I am confident you know about vaginas.  If it was my vagina, I would want you to call my doctor.  Call the vet."

I hear her sigh, followed by "I will just wait for you to get here.  Hurry."

At this point I am angry.  I am trying to take care of my sister, who looks like death.  I am asking questions about the horse's undercarriage, but can't get a solid answer.  And no one is owning the decision to call the vet nor are they applying pressure!  (This was a legit concern of mine at the moment.)

I quickly leave my sister's house and then call my friend Erin who lives just down the road from the barn.  Erin is not only my friend, but also one of our small animal veterinarians.  She has horses of her own, and I knew she could get there quicker than me, assess the bleeding situation, and make a decision for me.  Graciously, she agreed to drive over, take a look and said she would call me.

The word back was:  "Yeah, this is a one-in-a-million kick.  Your horse has a deep laceration across her butt, a 2 inch laceration to the vulva, and what appears to be a laceration to the inside of her vagina.  I can't get a real good look though because she is not very happy."

Oh joy! 

 Just what every woman wants this holiday season, lacerations to her "lady business"!

I call the vet, and God bless that woman, she comes out assesses the situation and gets right to work.

She sedates Mia, something I would want if it was my vagina, cleans her up and starts blocking the area with lidocaine so she can suture her back together.  We chat while she works, and on occasion as ladies, we cringed for the poor old girl.  

Later in the car on the way home, I caught myself grumbling about owning horses under my breath, and then I stopped myself.  How do you thank the 1300 pound beast that keeps your child safe?  You give her a great life, which includes excellent vet care, and you sympathize with her as only another woman could do, beacuse at the end of the day, no female person or beast wants a laceration to that region.  

Now as a horse-mother, I must discuss with Mia the fact she needs to find a nicer group of friends to hang out with, but we will save that for a day when she feels better.  There is no use in adding insult to injury....

  

Snow day fun!

A scheduled day off for some dental work for the horse left me with this day off work, and an unexpected snow day left me in the company of Miss K and her friend Miss A.  

We had a cold morning waiting for the vet to come out and vaccinate/float Mia's teeth.  He sedated her pretty heavily for the dental procedure, but she still put up a decent fight of her own trying to get him out of her mouth.  This is the first time I had seen how they floated teeth on a horse, and I will say it was interesting.  (I could do without the sound though!)  The vet discovered that she has some "waves" on the tops of her teeth, so I will have to be a better Momma about having her teeth done in the future.  Oops!

Of course, as he was finishing up with Mia, we noticed she had a swollen rear leg because of a minor laceration she got from doing Lord knows what.  I have a feeling she was being anti-social with another horse, kicked out and cut herself...  She doesn't want to talk about such things.  With horses, it seems it's always one thing or another.

I forgot how much I missed unexpected "snow days"!

The right thing to do....

The owner of the new barn texted us this picture tonight.  I think Mia looks content and happy!

For nearly 2 decades, our horse has lived as a show horse, being kept in a 10 x 12 stall, not really getting the chance to live the natural life of a horse.  Seldom being turned out to graze, feel sunshine on her back, or socialize with other horses.  (Before you all write me, I know this is not how all show horses live!)   However, truth be told, Mia hates to show and several years ago became "ring sour".  We bought her knowing this about her, but it never affected how safe she was out of the ring, or what a great friend she was to our daughter, and it certainly did not stop us from making her part of our family.  A vital part of our family actually....

For months we have mauled over the idea of selling or leasing Mia to someone else, freeing us up from the cost of owning a horse, and we actually did sell her to a family last spring, only to have them call us several months later because "owning a horse during the winter was just too much work for them".  I have prayed, cried, and just about driven myself crazy trying to do what was right for our family and more importantly Mia.  I didn't want Mia to live the rest of her life out in a stall.  I want her to live the rest of her life out being a horse.  She has done her job, and she has done it well.  She has toted my daughter around for 5 years, happily submitting to all the brushing, hugging, and horrible riding that Miss K subjected her to in the early years.  She has put up with all of my "rookie horse mom" antics, and has never once been unkind to me.  She does everything you ask her to do, and she does it willingly.  Because of this, I was determined to work on a solution for Mia.

Today, we switched barns.  We went from a partial care barn with no pasture turnout, to a full care barn with turn out everyday.  We gave up our indoor arena, for an outdoor arena, and where we won't be able to ride all winter, we don't care because it was the right thing to do for our "hooved family member".  Mia will have horse friends, sunshine, and grass now.

I go to bed tonight with a content mind and happy heart.  

I hope Mia does the same....

Halloween, Horsey Style!

Today was the annual Halloween party at the horse barn.  The kids dressed their horse and themselves in costumes.  It was a lot of fun and they really put a lot of time into their planning.  We learned a very important lesson though.... Where it will not harm a horse to use acrylic paint mixed with water on their coat, it is terrible to get off of them!  Next time, tempra paint...  Or actually, no paint at all.  That was no fun on the my end.  (The Queen could not bathe the horse and risk getting her costume dirty so her mom came to the rescue.)

Katzya and Mia went at Queen Elsa and Sven from the movie Frozen.  (Look closely to see the antlers...)  Also in attendance we had a pair of fairies, a little Indian girl, and Mickey and Minnie.  I was surprised the horses left their costumes on and none of them freaking out about the antlers, horns, mouse ears, etc.  

Goes to show the love between a horse and it's rider knows no boundaries.  I'm sure the peppermints  helped to sweeten up the deal....

Stolen saddles, diarrhea and a broken toe....

Let me start off this blog post by saying I think I broke my toe.  And it hurts hella bad....

Recently there have been some issues at our horse barn with stolen tack.  The thieves have been targeting saddles, and where our saddles are nothing too special, it would be very inconvenient to replace them.  Because of this we have been toting our saddles back and forth to the barn, which is also inconvenient, but I flat out refuse to give a thief anything if I can help it.  

When the saddles are home they sit on a portable saddle rack in the living room just waiting for my unsuspecting little toe to find them when I make late night "pee-pee" runs and cut the corner too close.  

I must confess that every time I hit my toe on that rack of saddles, I loudly throw out to the universe that I wish eternal diarrhea upon that thief, and hope karma makes his belly hurt.  I hope it feels like a Skyline/Chipotle/Coldstone Creamery kind of night and he regrets ever being dishonest.  I also hope this moment hits him after someone else in his household has used the last roll of toilet paper.  And while he is sitting on that "white thunder box" I pray he reflects back on his less than stellar behavior and makes better choices for the future....

A Riddle...

I have a little riddle for you, my readers...

What has 8 legs and 3 heads?

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Do you give up?!

2 girls and a patient horse!

These two young ladies are adorable, with their love for horses and good times.  Tiger was more than willing to give them a lift after Katzya's riding lesson today.

Not our time

George the horse is no longer with us.

Katzya really loved him and where he will make the perfect horse for someone, that person is not her.  It was a tough decision for her to make, but a decision that I am proud of her for thinking through.  My heart is sad because I know how badly she wants this, but letting go speaks volumes in regards to the level of maturity starting to take pace inside her teenage mind.

At the end of the day, her riding ability combined with the fact he was so young, just was a bad combination.  Now we start over, and where it feels as if I have looked all over the entire state of Ohio for a horse this last week, I know the perfect one for our family is out there.  We just haven't shaken the right tree yet.

It will come.  It always does, but in God's time not mine.  This I must remember....

A Girl's Best Friend

My daughter tells me that a girl's best friend is her horse.  I don't personally know this to be true, because I can't quite get over my fear of these large animals to form that bond.  However if you hang out with our "barn family" for any length of time, an intense bond between the two is evident.  I don't have to understand the bond to support it or see that it's tangible....

God has a sense of humor.....

I have come to the conclusion that teenagers are proof God has a sense of humor.  They might also be the reason for the national homicide increase, thus due to the fact that they know EVERYTHING, you know NOTHING, and the fact that the adult hands are nearly the perfect size to fit around the teenage neck.  Anyway....

Tonight, I go to pick up Katzya from her dad's house and she is doing her laundry.  Please keep in mind she has had nearly 2 hours to wash and dry the load of laundry she was working on, yet it still was not done when I got there.  We were in a hurry as we needed to get out the barn to feed the horse, so I merely suggested she set the dryer for 30 minutes and we would return to make sure her laundry was completely dry after the horse was taken care of.

Me:  "Please just hurry Katzya!  Throw your clothes in the dryer, set the dryer for 30 minutes, and let's go."

Katz:  "I'm hurrying!"

Me:  "Don't forget to empty the lint trap before you turn the dryer on.  We don't want to set your dad's house on fire!"

Katz:  "The lint what?!"

Me:  "The lint trap!  It traps the lint from the clothes that you are drying and you must empty it after every use or you could start a fire."

Katz:  "Don't worry mom, our dryer doesn't have a lint trap." she says as she rolls her eyes like I am the biggest idiot that has ever roamed the earth.

Me:  "Katz, every dryer has a lint trap."

Katz:  " Not ours.  I would have noticed a lint trap for sure!"

This sentence is coming from a child who wouldn't be able to find an elephant in the living room if she was staring right at it....

I removed a pile of socks from the top of the dryer, and low and behold, I unearthed the lint trap.  I show it to Katzya.  I remove the screen, show her how to empty it and teach her how to put it back together.

Then suddenly I get all the recognition I could ever want on this fine Mother's Day weekend....

Katz:  "Whoa, who knew?!  Mom you are really smart!"

I'm not sure what she was more amazed with, the fact I actually knew something OR the fact that the dryer had a lint trap, but you know what?  I'll take it as a compliment and the best mother's day gift ever!  As the mother of a teenager it isn't everyday you are right, heck I think the last time I was right was 14 years ago when I decided to become a mom.  But hey, who's keeping score?!

Back in the Saddle!

I am a huge believer in the thought that the more you push the universe, the more it pushes back and often times you might get what you ask for but it likely won't be what you need.  

I have been looking desperately for a horse for Katzya.  I have emailed, called, and turned this world upside down looking for a horse that would fit her needs.  There were several that we agreed to test drive, but for whatever reason, they just felt wrong.  Almost as if I was trying too hard.  

Saturday morning while on a road trip with my friend we were talking about the horse situation, and I told her that I was going to just give the horse business a rest in the hopes that the right horse would find us.  Not even an hour later I got a call from a friend saying she thought she had found us a horse, and the kicker?  He was 1.5 miles down the road he whole time! 

He is quite the guy.  Bred amazingly, has a brain and he is absolutely beautiful.... We are pretty smitten with him.