This morning started off like every other morning for me.
I woke up under-caffeinated with my body feeling like it needed about 2 more hours of sleep and my hair out of control. You see, every morning for the last 40 years, 4 months and 18 days, I have awoken looking like Ronald McDonald and Kramer had a love child. Now, in my formative years, I hated this about myself, however as I have grown into an adult I have learned to accept and love my crazy locks in all their glory. Even in the morning!
Usually, if I want to go somewhere quickly in the morning, I throw on a hat, because I am not and never will be, one of those girls who can quickly throw my hair up in a "messy bun" or pony tail. (My hair doesn't roll like that....) Currently though, my hair is in a God awful state of re-growth. It's too short to pull back, but it looks hideous under a ball cap.
So, this morning, I wrapped my head in a scarf, complimented myself on my cuteness, grabbed my wallet and my dog, and set off to fetch breakfast and a Sunday paper for my wife.
Quickly, I ran into the gas station, grabbed the requested Sunday newspaper, got in line behind a guy who was paying for whatever he was paying for. (Honestly, I can't say I was really paying attention to him, I was in a hurry to get to my next destination: McDonald's. I needed my morning Coke!) That guy finished up paying, spun around, looked me up and down and quickly blurted out the words: "Well, you look overly-black this morning!"
Now, I'm sure if this man knew me, knew I was under-caffeinated, and knew how hard I work to engage a mouth filter I don't possess, he would have kept his mouth shut, but he didn't.....
And this folks is how I nearly committed homicide before 10 am.....
Me, still shocked: "I'm sorry? Did you just say I looked overly-black?! And what does being black look like exactly?" (I really wanted to hear this explanation....)
Him: "Yes. With that thing on your head, you look black."
Me: "My scarf?! My scarf makes me look "overly-black"?!"
Him: "Well, yeah. Didn't you look in the mirror this morning?!"
Me, pointing to my head: "Actually, I DID look in the mirror, and I thought I looked like your average human, although cuter, because in case you haven't noticed, this scarf is on point!"
Him: "Well, you might want to look again."
And this is when I nearly lost my shit....
Me: "Question for you, did you happen to see the bigot looking back at you in the mirror this morning?"
Him, cockily chuckling: "Oh, so now I'm a bigot? What does that look like exactly?!"
Me: "Well, I wasn't sure what a bigot would look like until now, but after looking at you I realize a racist bigot looks exactly as I thought one would look. Like an idiot! Because only an idiot would spew the stupidity you're spewing while attempting to make a fashion statement by pulling his white tube socks all the way up to his knees when wearing sandals!"
Enough said.
