Saturday, July 11, 2020

Reflect, Redirect and Reset... Coming Out of Covid




In these past few months of Covid-19 I have lived a whole other life, like any other life, parts of it have been amazing, parts of it have been painful, and most of it I pray I will never experience again.


When this all started a dear friend of mine said "Use this time to workout, to keep on a schedule, and to come back a better version of yourself." I wanted to say I was going to be one of those people coming out of the Covid-19 debacle an enlightened person, one who was changed for the better, but that's just not how it was for me. I am coming out of it alive, but wounded, occasionally hyperventilating, and clinging to shreds of a life I once knew, much like Rose and Jack desperately clung to that door in the final scenes of The Titanic. (Which we all know could have held them both, but that's for a different conversation....)

Covid brought with it an uncertainty and an unknown that I have never experienced before, and it found me at a time when I was already questioning my life's direction anyway.

Then suddenly I found myself washing my hands 57 times a day, wearing a mask, standing 6-17' feet away from everyone, learning how to attend Zoom meetings, and side-eyeing anyone who sneezed or coughed within a 1 mile radius of me.

During this period I was furloughed from my job, and I spent 12 weeks-ish wondering and praying to any deity who would listen, to please let me have my job back. I spent countless hours worrying about my finances, and what I was going to do if I didn't get back to the job I loved, and for the most part, I did this silently because I didn't want to burden anyone else or look weak.

Then in order to forget my career concerns, I buried myself in another life, one that kept me busy, allowed me to resolve some things from my past, and where I will forever be grateful I was able to resolve that in my soul, I am absolutely jubilant to have permanently nailed that door shut after taking out the trash.

During this pandemic I have tested my relationships with friends and family, and where they were mostly supportive of my "come-apart" I know I have hurt people as I have unapologetically walked my walk.

Things have since gotten back to a semi-normal rhythm, but I still felt completely drained and emotionally beat to hell, and I know myself well enough to know I needed a reset. I needed to sit, to be quiet, and simply think. Even though not all the changes that resulted from Covid-19 were bad, and some of them were long overdue, any change, even for the better, can be difficult when the rest of the world/your life is changing so rapidly around it.  Therefore, two weeks ago I booked a self-isolating trip to Maine. I needed to visit Maine in order to research my current book, and I could think of no better way to quarantine than by staying in a rustic cabin in the woods away from everything and everybody. It would give me plenty of time and space to reflect, redirect, and reset.

I can tell you a "reset" is exactly what I needed. I needed to be away from the world, to sleep outside, and to get lost in nature. I needed to walk barefoot so I could feel the earth, to swim in a lake, and to hike the mountain. I needed to get lost in order to be found again. I guess that is enlightenment.....


Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Next Best Thing to Heaven


At the end of my life, I don't want to look back on things and say: "I wish I would have done that."
I don't want to look back and realize I missed out on the simple things in life.
I have always wanted to sleep outside, but not in a tent.
The practical part of my brain always dissuades the part of my brain that's still 10 years old from trying this because Ohio is full of mosquitoes, and both parts of my brain agree they hate those blood suckers, therefore it's never happened.
Until tonight.....

It's currently 58 degrees tonight in Maine, and there are virtually no bugs out right now.
This paired with the fact we have access to a screened in porch?

The perfect sleeping weather, and outside!
Not in a tent.

To hear the sound of the waves gently lapping against the shore line, while the trees dance in unison above our heads. The fragrant smell of pine trees and smoke from the fire drifting about us.

Maine has to be the next best thing to Heaven....
My guess is I will sleep better tonight than I have in years!