Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Virtual Child.....

My Beautiful Child, 

I received your letter and I have to say, my heart breaks for you.  I'm so sorry your coming out didn't go how you thought it would, and now your tender heart is wounded and broken.

I remember what it was like to want to live your authentic life, and to finally take that plunge.  I'm sorry you mustered up all that courage only to now find yourself homeless and alienated by your family.  I'm sickened that the very people who are supposed to love you unconditionally failed you, hiding behind their Bible.  (You can be gay and be a Christian, don't forget that baby!)

Please sweet child, hear me when I say:

YOU are perfect!
YOU are brave!
YOU are strong!
YOU are loved beyond measure!
YOU matter!

As a mother I worry about you, about your safety, and your future.  It's hard to be a teenager navigating life.  It's even harder when you have to worry about where you are going to sleep, how you are going to eat, and who your champions in life are.  Please reach out to someone local to help you navigate this current chapter.  Do you have additional family members, a friend, a teacher, a clergy member?  I pray you do.....

Remember:  Someone judging you does NOT define you.  It defines them!

Your "Virtual Mommas" believe in you, love you, want you to succeed, and are here if you need a hug or shoulder to lean on.

Be strong.
Believe in God.
Love yourself.
You are worth it!

Wrapping you in love and lifting you up in prayer,

Your Virtual Momma

PS:  Reach back out to me and let me know how you are doing.  Don't make your Virtual Momma worry!  ;)

Monday, September 3, 2018

Back in the saddle again....

I complained about having horses, and not wanting to own them again after we canceled the lease on our last show horse and re-homed our beloved retired mare, and I was steadfast on NOT owning another one, because if I’m being honest the magic of horses left me when Pony Girl and I parted ways.  Horses were such a part of that life: from the horse shows, the laughter in the barn at night when family and friends were just hanging out, to the tender moments spent holding hands when tucking the barn in for the night, it was a simple yet amazing life.  I felt safe there, and I found myself trusting my heart with a woman AND her horses.  After it ended I could have cared less if I ever saw another horse, let alone rode one.  It was easier to guard my heart, block any feelings from resurfacing, and attempt to forget that that life ever existed.

The harder I kept dragging my feet and swearing off horses though, the more our daughter kept horses in the forefront of every family conversation.  She continually kept pursuing her dream of owning another horse, and I was not blind to the fact the kid needed a horse like most people need air to breathe, and for Christmas, Kay and I bought her a mare that she had been riding through her high-school riding team.

I purposely have not gotten attached to this horse, and paired with the fact she is a little quirky and not overly snuggily, it has been easy to not pay attention or fall in love with her.  I was so burnt on horses and the lifestyle that comes along with them that I had shut myself off.  It was a defense to protect myself from remembering and ever walking that walk again.

What I failed to remember was how much I missed having horses in my life.  I forgot I actually love to ride, and I love the convivial atmosphere that come along with having a barn family, a group of people who become family through a mutual love of horses.  Last night was full of fun and laughter!  Surrounded by our barn family, I got back in the saddle again riding Katzya’s horse and rode for the 3rd and longest time I have ridden in 21 months.  It was so wonderful to ride and just feel life melt away. Enveloped in laughter, Kay rode for the first time in 25 years, the barn owner made a rare appearance on a horse, and Katzya and her friend loved cheering us on.  It was a night filled with laughter, friends, fun and horses. 

Being back in the saddle and rediscovering the magic felt so good, even better than I remember!