Saturday, March 26, 2016

Diary Of A Fat Girl - Day 3: I Have Hit Rock Bottom

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

Dear Journal,

Last night "Miss K" had a bowling party with her high school equestrian team.  Thank God I had the fore site to eat before we went to the bowling alley, because you know how much food you can eat at a bowling alley when you are on Whole30?  NONE!  But my God, did it look good....  Seriously, it was if my brain had a split personality.

Some folks I didn't even know sat down next to me, and had the greasiest, gooiest, cheesiest pizza I had ever seen and all I could think was:  "Divert your eyes... Divert your eyes... Seriously! Divert your damn eyes!"

And now I know I have hit rock bottom.

After those folks got up to leave there were 4-5 pieces of their pizza left on their table, and for a second I seriously had this thought:  "Those people looked clean enough.  I could probably eat a piece of their left over pizza.  I mean why waste good food?!"

It was at about this time that the logical part of my brain piped up and said: "Are you freaking serious?!  That is disgusting!  We do NOT eat left over pizza off stranger's tables!  Control yourself!"

Turns out "logical brain" won.

But damn that cheese looked good.....

Cheese is my gateway,

Friday, March 25, 2016

Diary Of A Fat Girl - Day 2: I WANT A CUPCAKE!

The only cupcake I am getting is the soap kind!

Dear Journal,

Last night, I woke up out of a dead sleep at 11:30 pm, because I wanted a cupcake.  I didn't just "want" a cupcake.  I "needed" a cupcake the same way my lungs "need" air.  That's how much I "needed" a cupcake.

It went like this:

At 11:30 pm, the house is quiet.  All beings are sound asleep.  I sit straight up out of a dead sleep, with a clarity like no other, and say:  "I need a cupcake!"

I look over at The Reluctant Farmer, who is sleeping peacefully and I know....  She needs to get me a cupcake.  So, I shake her awake....

Me: "Honey!  I need a cupcake!"

RF:  "What?!"

Me:  "I need a cupcake, like NOW!  Can you drive to Meijer and buy me a cupcake?!  They have a 24 hour bakery I think!  AND I want LOTS of icing!"  

RF:  "Are you serious?!"

Me: "Um, yes!  Don't I sound serious?!"

RF:  "No.  No, I am not going to go buy you a cupcake at midnight.  You made it all day with no sugar.  Go back to bed."

Me: "But, now I am not tired."

RF: "Fine, take a Melatonin, and tell me if you still "need" a cupcake in 30 minutes."

Now, she knows I can't even take a child's sized dose of Benadryl with out passing out.  (I am a cheap date!)  

But, alas.  She was right.  I didn't need the cupcake....

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Diary Of A Fat Girl - Day 1: One Meal At a Time

Kicking it old school and "juicing" my own O.J. by hand...

Dear Journal,

Today I lived....

It wasn't easy.  My body is pissed, and I am craving sugar like a crack addict needing her next fix.  I am going to do this though.  It helps to think that I just need to get through the next meal.  And the next meal, and the next meal...  This adventure is not as daunting if I look at it in shorter increments.

Tonight, The Reluctant Farmer said to me:  "Well, congratulations!  You lasted 12 hours longer than I thought you would!"

I wanted to reply: "Thanks, honey!" all sarcastic like.  But, I used my mouth filter.  (Which is hard to do when I want/need some carbohydrates....)

Truth is, I lasted 12 hours longer than I thought I would too!

Mazel Tov to me!

Wanting sugar and potatoes,

Monday, March 21, 2016

Diary Of A Fat Girl- Day 0: What?! Why?!

I will miss these guys....

Dear Journal,

Tomorrow I am doing it!  I am going to eliminate dairy, grain, alcohol, processed food, refined sugar and legumes from my diet.  I have been wanting to try a Paleo diet for a long time, but I just can't commit to giving up all of that amazing, delicious food for all of eternity.  I'm not good at commitment....

I am going to try this program called Whole30.  It's basically Paleo, but a little more strict.  However, 30 days seems much easier to swallow than giving up wine, Pepsi, and cheese for the rest of my life.  There is an excellent chance I won't succeed at this, but on a positive note, if I fail, I can still enjoy the weekend!

Begrudgingly changing my life,