To say I have been struggling lately would be an understatement. I just feel disconnected and spiritually unfulfilled. I have enough spiritual awareness to know that is a dangerous place for a person like me to be. My mind is my greatest muse. Fed she is lovely and tame, but not fed properly, she is like a misguided missile, darting back and forth with no method to her madness, and with no clear place to land, she has the potential to leave serious damage in her aftermath.
I'm not sure what is internally upsetting me so much except to say, I have been under a lot of personal and professional pressure as of late, and in the quest to hold all my shit together, I have realized I am doing a really bad job of being true to who I am and I'm not listening to what my body says I need to be doing. I've been living like a 9-year old kid left home alone: my boundaries are absent, I eat whatever I want, go to bed late, and spend money like it's my job.
I have reached a breaking point several times recently, and that's when it became clear, I need to quiet my mind and to just be still in order for the answers to show themselves to me. So, I have come to the mountains to reflect, to disconnect, to write and to feed my muse. I needed to remove myself from the noise, the chatter and the drama of everyday life. My phone and I needed a separation, and Facebook and I needed a break like two lovers on a 2 week cross country road trip in a Chevy Chevette in the 1980's. (Google search that car if I am showing my age by using that as a reference....)
So far, I have lived without my phone for three days. I have been writing, reading, and have not gotten out of my pajamas, except to get in and out of the hot tub. My mind is a little more clear, and I feel a little less maniacal since there are no imbecilic people on the mountain with me. I hope that I can come off this mountain with a renewed mind, and an clear understanding of what my next move should be....
