Monday, April 27, 2015
Life Restructure 2.0
Last month I made a huge decision to simplify my life, and to say "no" to things that didn't bless me. The biggest thing that I let go of was dog rescue.
I had been saying I was going to quit, but then someone would ask for help, I would find a stray, etc. and I would be right back at it. A month ago though, my focus was different. I quit for real... No more sitting on the rescue's board, no more meetings/obligations, no more folks on Facebook that were only rescue acquaintances. I was done.
I won't lie, it's been a struggle. I've had to re-evaluate close friendships that were originally based strictly on rescuing animals, and I've had to do a lot of thinking. I feel like I'm going through a season of my life where I am once again, evolving and digging deeper into my life's purpose. I will be frank, this journey has scared the shit out of me. The last time I went on a journey of this caliber, I was 25 years old. I was stuck in a dead-end job, was feeling hopeless in a dead-end marriage, and was trying really hard to run from my sexuality.
It was during this time that my friend bought a house in the country, and there was something about this place that just felt magical. I don't know if it was the location, the ambiance of frogs chirping as the sun set in the distance, the presence of my friend, or the entire package, but I remember just going to her house to decompress. Sometimes she would be home, sometimes she would be at work and I would just hang out on her deck with her dogs. (There used to be an on going joke between the two of us, that I got more use out of her mortgage than she did.) I only remember that her house was a place of healing for me. It was a place where I went because the rest of the world seemed to be at my back, yet she never judged me. She just loved and accepted me for who I was, and as I picked myself up and put one foot in front of the other, her house became less and less a necessity, but still a welcome get away when she went on vacation.
It was almost ironic that during the time of another "life restructure", I was asked to house-sit for her and her husband while they were away on vacation. I tell you, I absorbed every minute of it! Until yesterday, I had not been home in 2 weeks. Instead, I holed myself up at their house, reading, writing, drinking wine, and slowing down. I enjoyed the company of their friends over dinner and long walks. I sat on the deck for hours watching their chickens run in the yard below me, and many nights I listened to the peep frogs sing well into the early morning.
Somewhere in the middle of this beautiful experience, I realized everything will be okay. I'm not comfortable with where I am yet, but I'm confident in the steps I'm taking to get there. Today, I will face the world refreshed and with a new sense of peace. It's a comfort that feels oddly familiar, but until now had long been forgotten....