Remembering you.....

This morning I woke up sad and missing you.

Last year on this day, you were on HIV medications for a total of 5 days, you were so weak you could hardly walk, and you had lost 60 lbs.

You had just gotten out of the hospital but staying in a nursing home, and you were adamant you did not want to spend the holidays in a nursing home, so I thought:  "No big deal.  I will take you with me to Thanksgiving at mom's house."  Only, this time, for the first time, you weren't welcome there.  (That would later be a blessing...)

Determined to honor your request and not have you be in a nursing home, I decided I would skip Thanksgiving with the other side of the family, and we would just celebrate at our house this year.

I was determined to cook a Thanksgiving meal, even though we all know I am the least qualified to cook a meal for anyone....  Surprisingly, it turned out delicious!

Turkey, stuffing, green beans, chicken noodles, fresh rolls, mashed potatoes and gravy, and pumpkin pie with extra whip cream!

We sat around all day watching Hallmark Christmas movies.  Those were your favorite and would sustain us through the entire season...  (PS: There are still several on my DVR just waiting for us to watch them.  I don't have the heart to delete them....)

We had a fire going in the fire place, because that was your favorite spot, in front of the fire place wrapped in a down comforter.

Abby, Ethan and the boys would come by that afternoon to spread Thanksgiving chaos and crazy.  Nothing says holiday like our kind if crazy, and I was so happy they came by to visit.  My heart needed the laughter of Isaac and Cooper.....

All day you drifted in and out of sleep while your new anti-viral medication wreaked havoc on your body, making you vomit what would end up being your last Thanksgiving meal.  We substituted Zofran, Sprite and chicken needle soup in for dinner later that night, and you were able to hold down pumpkin pie finally.

I didn't take you back to the nursing home until I was satisfied that you had been out of there for the "whole holiday".
If I had only known this would be our last Thanksgiving together.  
If only I had known I would not have forever with you.
I would have lived my life a lot differently......