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| Artist unknown |
She lives several thousand miles away from me, clear on the opposite side of the country.
She loves dogs, but can't have one right now because her landlord has a "no pet" policy.
She enjoys gardening, and reading romance novels.
She enjoys early mornings, when her city is quiet.
I enjoy her.
She is my penpal.
When Covid-19 started I was suddenly thrust into a world I didn't know. Churches closed, restaurants closed, I was without a job, and nothing in my world felt secure. It was in the isolation that I started to crave companionship. Someone I could talk to, tell my fears to, and connect with. I am an extroverted introvert, and where I require a large amount of downtime to "re-charge" my internal batteries, I also definitely require a fairly large opportunity to seek out human companionship. Being without the daily interaction of people in the physical form started to take a toll on me.
One night I was surfing the internet after a Zoom meeting, and I was just sad. The people on my Zoom call were all people I had loved "in the flesh" just months before, and where I loved seeing them on the computer screen, it just wasn't the same as being able to hug them, of laugh with them in person.
As my fingers were scrolling, I came across an article written by a woman who described exactly how I was feeling, and through her frustration she had started pen-palling, allowing the letter to become the physical connection.
I am an analog whore. I love the glide of a good fountain pen, the smell of paper, the color of Washi tape and the weight of my journal in my hand. These are the things that ground me to the earth. Connecting with people through written word sounded like Heaven to me! The thought of having a penpal instantly transported me back to third grade where I would curl up on a bean bag chair in the back of the school library, and flip through the Highlights magazine looking for the perfect penpal: someone who had a dog, and liked to read. (PS: My taste in penpals still hasn't changed....)
I flipped over to Facebook and into the search bar, I typed: penpal group, and there at my fingertips were hundreds of people wanting to connect through written word. They were in need of companionship during a pandemic, or had been moved to just enjoy a simpler life, and wanted to meet new people with similar interests. It took me all of a few minutes to realize I was amongst like minded people.
It was a little frightening, however I uploaded my picture and started telling folks about myself, and asked if anyone was looking for a penpal. I vowed I wouldn't tell anyone "no" if they reached out to show interest, and I have met the nicest people. These people allow me into their world. We talk about their kids, their pets, their jobs, and their fears. The connection and friendship this has brought me has been one of the best things to happen to me during this pandemic.
Surprisingly when I tell people I have started pen-palling, people always ask me: How can I do it?
Below is how you can start, and some of the helpful things I have learned along the way.
1) There are many groups on Facebook that center around pen-palling. My favorites have been:
Snail Mail Pen Pals Ladies Only
2) Decide how many penpals you can honestly write. Keep in mind all friendships take work, but a friendship based on written letters requires time and effort on your part. You don't want to over extend yourself, and then not write, therefore leaving your new friend disappointed and wondering what happened to you or what they might have said wrong.
3) First letters are awkward for every one. Give your new friendship some time to blossom before deciding a person may not be a good fit for you. If you decide the person is not a good match, let them know that it's not going to work. Ghosting people is not cool and hurts a lot worse than honesty.
4) Ask questions. You're trying to get to know your new friends. Ask them the normal questions about family, pets, etc. but then ask them any "burning" questions or silly questions you may have also. One penpal asked me: "What is in your refrigerator?" This question still remains my favorite question, because I realized I need to eat at home more often. :)
5) Remember, your penpals are real people. They have lives too. Don't assume you have been ghosted. Perhaps life is just a little hectic, and they haven't had a chance to write you back, or the dreaded fact that letters do sometimes get lost in the mail. Where I make it a policy that I don't "friend" my penpals on social media, because I want our friendship to be based on our letters, I do have them in Facebook messenger, so I will often reach out with a: "Hope you are having a great day, letter sent." Just so they know I mailed them.
6) There's an International Forever Stamp available at the post office that will get a letter, 1 oz. and under, to anywhere in the world. This realization was a game changer for me in terms of corresponding with folks outside of the US.
There's a whole world of people waiting to get to know you, and pen-palling as an adult is just as magical as it was when we were children.
Enjoy!
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