For months I have been contemplating going to a yoga class that is offered just down the street from my house. And for that long, I have come up with many excuses as to why I couldn't go: too tired, too nervous, I forgot, can't walk that far, can't miss the Amazing Race on television, etc...
Well tonight I decided that I was going to yoga. In my mind, I would be the fattest, most out of shape person there. I would sweat like a pig, and I worried about farting. (Don't ask....) I walked into the studio, nervous but determined and realized my mind was right. I was the fattest, most out of shape person there.
In fact it was sort of like being invited over to the Barbie mansion for a pool party. Everyone there was blonde and 120 pounds if that, but the instructor was really nice and invited me to find a place for my yoga mat. I squeezed into the back row hoping that nobody would notice me and that I would shyly exist in my stretch pants and a t-shirt. The instructor welcomed us all, grabbed her yoga mat and laid it down right beside mine, and then I realized: I was in the FRONT of the class not the back of the class. Gulp....
No one wants to be the fat girl in a sea of "skinny bitches". That's just not cool and to be in the front row?! I wanted to crawl inside my gym bag! But I didn't... Instead I harnessed my inner chi, closed my eyes and did the most modified yoga workout ever done. It was 1 hour and 15 minutes of twisting my body into karma sutra like poses, and I have to admit I sweated worse than a pig. (Do pigs even sweat? I don't know....)
But you know what?! I lived and the "skinny bitch" next to me is the one that farted! Overall I would say it was a success and I just might go back next week....
Hysterical...I had an gaseous incident at a jazzercise class many years ago. I laughed so hard I disrupted class and nearly peed my pants. Needless to say, that was the end of jazzercise for me!
ReplyDeleteYou are terrific! I am laughing and relating to your story. I joined an exercise class and low and behold I was doing the routine and then they switched and the back row was the front row...omgosh....there I was in front and what a trip it was. I was like Lucille Ball trying to keep up with the others....LOL......anyway, you have a real knack for writing and I enjoy every word!
ReplyDeleteOK, this post made me laugh so hard!! I felt the same way when I went to my first yoga class... and my second and third and fourth! But I loved how doing yoga made me feel, so I took my stiff old pudgy body back, again and again. Now I do yoga in my family room using DVDs from the old Namaste Yoga TV program (with my cat, who always runs to and flops on the mat when I roll it out). And my big strong macho fireman brother is now doing yoga--one of his funniest Facebook posts was about farting in yoga class. You go, Girl!! And thanks for this! Made me smile today!
ReplyDeleteI hope you keep up with the yoga. I get nervous about the farting thing too. I've done it, and I've heard others do it. You just roll with it... :) And though I'd probably qualify as one of the "skinny bitches" you describe (though I haven't seen 120#s in a LONG time), I want you to know how inspired I am when I see larger people coming to yoga. The first time I had a plus-sized instructor, it was like having an epiphany. So keep it up! Yoga is such a great practice to maintain.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the Friday laugh. Keep up the good work.
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