Sunday, August 18, 2013

Skinny Bitches and Me....



For months I have been contemplating going to a yoga class that is offered just down the street from my house.  And for that long, I have come up with many excuses as to why I couldn't go:  too tired, too nervous, I forgot, can't walk that far, can't miss the Amazing Race on television, etc...  

Well tonight I decided that I was going to yoga.  In my mind, I would be the fattest, most out of shape person there.  I would sweat like a pig, and I worried about farting.  (Don't ask....)  I walked into the studio, nervous but determined and realized my mind was right.  I was the fattest, most out of shape person there.  
In fact it was sort of like being invited over to the Barbie mansion for a pool party.  Everyone there was blonde and 120 pounds if that, but the instructor was really nice and invited me to find a place for my yoga mat.  I squeezed into the back row hoping that nobody would notice me and that I would shyly exist in my stretch pants and a t-shirt.  The instructor welcomed us all, grabbed her yoga mat and laid it down right beside mine, and then I realized:  I was in the FRONT of the class not the back of the class.  Gulp....  

No one wants to be the fat girl in a sea of "skinny bitches".  That's just not cool and to be in the front row?!  I wanted to crawl inside my gym bag!  But I didn't...  Instead I harnessed my inner chi, closed my eyes and did the most modified yoga workout ever done.  It was 1 hour and 15 minutes of twisting my body into karma sutra like poses, and I have to admit I sweated worse than a pig.  (Do pigs even sweat?  I don't know....)  

But you know what?!  I lived and the "skinny bitch" next to me is the one that farted!  Overall I would say it was a success and I just might go back next week....

5 comments:

  1. Hysterical...I had an gaseous incident at a jazzercise class many years ago. I laughed so hard I disrupted class and nearly peed my pants. Needless to say, that was the end of jazzercise for me!

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  2. You are terrific! I am laughing and relating to your story. I joined an exercise class and low and behold I was doing the routine and then they switched and the back row was the front row...omgosh....there I was in front and what a trip it was. I was like Lucille Ball trying to keep up with the others....LOL......anyway, you have a real knack for writing and I enjoy every word!

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  3. OK, this post made me laugh so hard!! I felt the same way when I went to my first yoga class... and my second and third and fourth! But I loved how doing yoga made me feel, so I took my stiff old pudgy body back, again and again. Now I do yoga in my family room using DVDs from the old Namaste Yoga TV program (with my cat, who always runs to and flops on the mat when I roll it out). And my big strong macho fireman brother is now doing yoga--one of his funniest Facebook posts was about farting in yoga class. You go, Girl!! And thanks for this! Made me smile today!

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  4. I hope you keep up with the yoga. I get nervous about the farting thing too. I've done it, and I've heard others do it. You just roll with it... :) And though I'd probably qualify as one of the "skinny bitches" you describe (though I haven't seen 120#s in a LONG time), I want you to know how inspired I am when I see larger people coming to yoga. The first time I had a plus-sized instructor, it was like having an epiphany. So keep it up! Yoga is such a great practice to maintain.

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  5. Thanks for the Friday laugh. Keep up the good work.

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